I really thought if we do not get part A properly then that is when we run into part B and C. If we mess up the marriage part of it then it is divorce and remarriage that becomes the big question. Our goal is to have a marriage in such a way that we don’t ever have to think about or worry about the divorce and remarriage aspects.
That is the big challenge and I’m not going to come to this broadcast today and claim to be an expert on marriage. I do see some biblical principles and see some things we could do, and in my case, with the case of my wife with things that we should have done prior to ever even getting married that would have prevented a multitude of problems.
We want to talk a little about the marriage aspect of it and a biblical method of finding a spouse. Then we will get into the question of divorce and remarriage. The topic of divorce and remarriage is just sooo controversial. It is because it has a pretty big impact on our life and the way we live our life.
We really need to get this part down pat and really need to understand this. If we don’t understand this we may end up finding ourselves in a pretty awful situation of being in what we think is a marriage that Yahweh has ordained but in the eyes of Yahweh it is actually adultery. We are going to explain on our way as we go along here.
One of the reasons it is controversial is the breakdown of the institution of marriage in our culture today with over half of marriages ending up in divorce. In some studies they indicate the rate is even higher among Christians. It is no surprise this is going to be a controversial subject.
We have the world’s solution to the problem which basically involves men and women living together prior to marriage with them living the marriage life to see if the other partner is good enough. Also, to see if the marriage is going to last a lifetime. That is what is so commonly done today.
If you include the separations of shacking up together, living together, arrangements and breakups, and some even including children, these are all essentially marriages without really saying you are married because all the things that are happening in a marriage are there, how much higher would the divorce be compared to what we see now as just half?
The expectation of monogamy and the responsibility of fatherhood and motherhood is all there in many cases. The problem with this whole society is that it doesn’t have a solution to fix the problems of the marriages ending in divorce. I really believe Yahweh has a solution on this. He is the one that invented marriage. We could probably figure that He has a good idea.
We are going to talk about Yahweh’s way of doing things vs. what the world says to do. Now, speaking of divorce and remarriage, there are 2 prevailing views of what is proper. One view is that there is not to be any divorce under any circumstance.
If a person tried to get to divorce and remarry someone else, they would be in a adulterous situation. If one partner was to divorce against the other partner’s will, they would not be able to remarry until the death of the other partner. In the second most popular view is permissible if one partner has committed adultery on the other.
That is what most people are probably following today. There are some in Mennonite and Amish circles and churches that follow the first view of there is never to be a remarriage after a divorce. Others say if there has been adultery then it is ok. Other people, which is mostly what the world does today, go with divorce and remarriage as being permissible.
All a person has to do nowadays is go down to the court and say the marriage is irretrievably broken and not able to be fixed and the judge will put their rubber stamp on it and your divorced. Is this Yahweh’s view of it? Is this what He would say? Is this His opinion on it? I don’t think so.
It is basically like the boyfriend and girlfriend situation where you come together then breakup then you come together then breakup only instead it is divorce then remarriage, divorce then remarriage. Of course there is a higher level of commitment in marriage. It is essentially a lot like that though where there is no biblical thing saying that you have to stay together.
Which is what they think. Other views would be to forget marriage and not get married at all with no prenuptials, no alimony, and no mess in their mind. There is no commitment. In my mind that is not real love. Real love involves a commitment to one another for a lifetime.
Love between a man and a woman is going to actually be realized in the context of a marriage. That, I don’t believe, is the answer. We are going to get into more reasons why that isn’t the answer as we go along.
So that is the world’s solutions to things and is how they view it. Which is basically going out and practicing marriage by going out in a boyfriend/girlfriend type relationship. Let’s go out and practice marriage until we get it right. In their mind it is practice makes perfect.
But that is not Yahweh’s way of doing things. It causes a tremendous amount of problems.
In any marriage there is more than just a physical relationship going on. I think you would agree with that. It is just a side thing that is there and is an enhancement out of an existing relationship. A man and his wife are emotionally and spiritually bonded to one another.
There is a physical sign of the spiritual, emotional and personal bond that already exist. What happens if we or one of our youngsters go out and create emotional, personal, and perhaps spiritual bonds with various people of the opposite gender. They learn to give their hearts to people who will ultimately never be their spouse.
Boyfriend/girlfriend relationships are basically just like marriage. The expectations are the same in that both persons are in love with each other. Both persons are expected to be faithful to each other and often there are physical things going on as well. Children are sometimes born out of these relationships.
The only thing missing is commitment and a piece of paper saying you are married. What is wrong with this method? It destroys children. In order for the human race to survive, husband and wife relationships have to be solid and built on a sure foundation. I say it again.
In order for the human race to survive, husband and wife relationships have to be solid and built on a firm foundation. When there is a divorce it creates an emotional damage in children. Bitterness and hatred between mother and father and bitterness in children. Damage that children sometimes never recover from.
When I was a young teenager, actually 12 or 13 years old, I knew a person growing up who was a happy little kid and when his mom and dad got a divorce, he was never the same after that. He went through a long period of emotional hurt split between affections towards his father and affections toward his mother.
Even into his 20’s he tried to commit suicide. The basis of his parents relationship was not a very firm foundation either because they had committed fornication before marriage and he was the result of that. It was an unexpected pregnancy that caused the marriage to be somewhat forced. The marriage lasted 13 years.
What happens is, when we don’t do things the way Yahweh has established us to do things, we end up with major major problems. Don’t be surprised if we don’t do things the way Yahweh says to do them if there is a lack of blessing in our lives.
Neither myself as a teenager and young man and my wife as a teenager and young girl were believers. We engaged in boyfriend/girlfriend games. I can tell you from personal experience and just about any adult can tell you from personal experience that you don’t go through that without some damage.
Damage to both of our hearts to the point when we met each other we had a whole bag full of emotional hurts, unrealistic expectations, and comparisons between us and our former relationships. It sets us up not to trust the other party because we have been hurt in the past by former relationships we were involved in.
Particularly it difficult for a husband to even know how to love a wife and for a wife to even know how to trust and submit to her husband because we have all been hurt in the past and are afraid to love, to trust, and to be vulnerable.
Whereas, two people having no former involvement with other relationships, having no hurts and no baggage to carry along with them, coming into a relationship and they can throw them selves at each other and let that first love just flow. You know you never forget your first love.
If you let that first love be toward your husband or wife, you are like children at heart in that you are bonded in something pure. I believe Yahweh has put that in us so that we will have that type bond that will never be broken so our children will have a firm foundation on which they can build their lives.
My wife and I damaged our children. We were damaged ourselves. We tried to repair the damage and desperately wanted to repair what we had messed up. We tried to understand where we went wrong. Where do we see people who don’t have this problem and look at how they are being blessed.
When you go through the boyfriend/girlfriend game, you go through this spiritually, personal, emotionally dangerous mosh pit of one relationship after another of hurting and getting hurt, weeping and crying, and going through pain that Yahweh never wanted young people to have to endure at such tender ages.
By the time they finally find someone they want to marry, their hearts are so wounded and they're so defiled with temptations to constantly make comparisons with what they have had in the past and what they don‘t have in the existing marital relationship.
So what we have is a heart and young people have this purity about them particularly when it comes to relationships of the opposite gender. They go along looking for someone to give their hearts to and particularly young women are most susceptible to this.
They find someone to give their heart to and say maybe this is the one, maybe this is the person. Then they find out it is not the person and they find somebody else and say maybe this is the person which I will be married to one day and they find out it’s not and they get hurt.
Then they find somebody else……and who knows how many relationships they go into until finally they get married and this is what they have to give. Is it any wonder we have problems in our relationships? When all is said and done there isn’t much of the heart to give to the husband or wife.
They have already practiced forms of marriage. They have been practicing marriage, divorce, and remarriage many times with the only thing missing is the wedding ceremony and a piece of paper. How easy it will be now to find reasons to divorce yet again with the result being a broken home and children who are scarred for life.
And those children will grow up and because everybody else at school is doing it, the excitement of a new relationship (which is basically marriage), is so tempting and they go out and repeat the same mistake again.
Brethren, this is insanity at its finest.
Think about this: What if you could bring a heart that is fully prepared to give to your husband or wife and you come together? You have something very beautiful. It is something I wish that we had. What if we could find a way so both men and women were able to bring to one another their full heart?
What if young men and women were taught to control and were able to control their impulses rather then letting this excitement of a new relationship overwhelm them before they had the maturity level to handle it? I’m not just talking about physical impulses, although that is important, but emotional and personal impulses that they have toward the opposite gender.
Particularly for young women, if they don’t get involved in the emotional and personal relationship then you won’t ever have to worry about the physical. It is when emotion gets tied into a person that the physical follows. Yahushua taught us to keep our hearts pure and how we can commit sins in our heart even without doing anything physical.
Young and older people need to keep themselves pure at a young age and practice overcoming the temptations that are out there. Whether they are physical, spiritual, or otherwise, the temptations to engage in relationships with people that are never going to be their spouse.
What if you were going to know ahead of time, that is going to be my spouse. That would be easy wouldn’t it? If a person is never accustomed to having to control and keep those impulses, especially men, in check, don’t think for a minute when they enter into a marriage covenant that those impulses disappear.
Those impulses are still there. Hell and destruction are never full and the eyes of man are never satisfied. So we have infidelity because young people are never taught to discipline themselves and control their impulses. Instead it is go out and have girlfriend/boyfriend relationships and go out and date whoever, however, whenever.
But if they are taught to keep emotionally and spiritually pure in their hearts then you won’t have to worry about the physical unless there were terrible things that happened. The importance with guarding our hearts and preserving ourselves both spiritually and physically cannot be overstated.
Many of us that did things the worldly way would testify that the first person you gave your heart to, not even physically, you will never forget it. That is the bond that was meant to be in a marriage. That is the first love bond that Yahweh put in our hearts.
That bond, with a couple of other things mentioned, will create a marriage that will weather and withstand the storms and whirlwinds of adult life. Imagine the difference if young men and women learned to control their impulses and save themselves completely for each other.
Having never known anyone else, loving each other intimately, and never kissed or touched another person intimately, when they come together it is so beautiful.
Let me share a testimony to help you understand what I am trying to communicate. It is so important if we can grasp this.
It is so interesting and so radical to the world that news cameras showed up. Their story of their marriage hit a major national news network. There were 2 people about 13 or 14 years ago that decided they were going to practice these very principles and were not going to get involved at all with the boyfriend/girlfriend game.
They were committed to letting Yahweh decide who their spouse was going to be. The young man determined that it didn’t make any sense to spend all that time and money on people you weren’t going to end up with anyway.
When he was in his twenties he was at this outdoor function and he felt this strong spiritual prompting about one of the young girls who was a part of one of the families there. He couldn’t explain it. Something in his spirit was saying this is the person that I have chosen for you. So he prayed and a lot of time went by.
It seemed Yahweh was telling him that this was going to be the one. After a discussion with his father about why he felt Yahweh was leading him this direction, his father told him to go and write these things in a journal along with other things he felt Yahweh was directing him to write down.
He would go into his room with his bible, pray and write down some of the meditations and some of the insights that Yahweh was seeming to impress on upon his heart. He brought itin to his father and they prayed about it together. Finally they decided to go to the young woman’s parents and take their family out to dinner.
Their daughter was not present at the dinner table. As they conversed at the table, the young girls father made this conversation about how he had received this phone call the previous day from a fellow who was interested in this young girl. The person that had called said I hear you are looking for somebody for your daughter to date.
They all had a good laugh and they explained to this young man they didn’t believe in dating. He wound up setting a time the following week to meet with this young man and talk to him anyway. The young man’s parents whose son was interested in the girl kind of looked at each other and explained the reason they wanted to meet with them.
They felt that their son felt Yahweh had spoken to his heart about their daughter . Even though the son didn’t know this was going to happen, the father gave the journal to the father of the young girl so he could read it and find out what kind of a man he was. He also included in this journal various insights from this young man’s brother and his parents.
The following weekend the girl’s parents left all their children behind and went out together. Neither the young girl or any of the other children knowing what was going on, the parents drove and met this young man. While the young girl’s mother met with the young man’s mother they got to know each other better.
For three and a half hours they discussed everything from what their greatest struggles were, the greatest victories, the plans they had for their lives, and the gifts and talents the young man had. They met 3 different times for a period of 3 weeks. The young girl’s father met with the young man and they talked for hours and hours.
Still, the young girl didn’t know anything about it. Even her brothers didn’t know. The young man who was wanting to marry this girl intentionally acted a little bit distant towards her. He was trying to make sure he didn’t defraud her in any way and lead her on.
The young girl’s father said I didn’t want the my daughter’s heart to be falling toward an individual until he had been evaluated. It would make it very difficult for her to keep her heart from turning toward a person prematurely with the parties involved being objective about it hadn’t evaluated it.
Finally the young girl’s father’s wife decided before him and the journal helped to convince them that this was a possibility and that the boy was hearing from Yahweh. Another factor that influenced everyone was the strong relationship all the parents had. Three weeks after this meeting, the young man’s father went on what he called was a prayer walk.
At that time Yahweh seemed to impress on his heart:
Psalms 34:3 - Oh, magnify YAHWEH with me, And let us exalt His name together.
Psalms 34:4 - I sought YAHWEH, and He heard me, And delivered me from all my fears.
The young girl’s father took her on a date that night. He often took her on dates and they would evaluate different young men they were familiar with so he could teach her to discern wisely both positive and negative character traits of potential husbands.
Without letting her know this young man’s interest, he had her do an evaluation of several fellows in the congregation they were attending that they never evaluated before. The young man who expressed interest in her was one of those fellows.
The father wanted her to do an objective evaluation without any emotional ties and it turned out the young man came out near the very top of potential suitors. He told her of a young man who has showed interest in courtship with you.
The girl had overheard this conversation where this fellow who had called three weeks earlier was seeing if he could date her so she thought it was him for sure. She figured out who it was on the phone and why he was calling so she immediately thought about this other person wanting to date her and was ready to say no way.
Then her father told her who it really was. The young girl looked at her dad and said, “Him, Me?” And she began crying. She was really quiet for a long time. She said, “Yes, I would like that.” When she got home that night her mom greeted her with a question. Did you all have a good date?
The young girl threw her arms around her mother and said, “Mom, you knew this all along.” The young girl’s father called the other family of her decision. The young man arrived home from work that night and his mother said to him we need to talk. He then looked at his mother and thought, oh no, she said no didn’t she?
His mother smiled and said she actually said yes. He hardly slept that night. The 2 families agreed to meet in the morning. With the new couple in the center, both sets of parents prayed for Yahweh’s direction and His blessing to be on this relationship. They were given 30 minutes to talk to each other.
They sat together at the congregation and during the fellowship time everybody was asked if anybody had a testimony to give. Both fathers came forward to announce the beginning of this relationship. The young man and woman stood up and everyone applauded. It wasn’t to find out if she was the one when the young man went into it.
It was at this point they felt they were directed by Yahweh that this is the one; that the purpose of the whole thing was to move forward. The couple got acquainted and found themselves to be very compatible, as expected, and their hopes, dreams, and goals complimented each other, as expected, and they adored each other, as expected, because Yahweh was in the lead.
Several weeks later the families made a trip together. The young man purchased a diamond ring and formerly asked the girl to marry him. In Muskegon, Michigan they walked out on a pier on Lake Michigan and the young man stepped over onto a rock.
When he coaxed the young girl over to the rock he said, “I want to be standing on the rock.” and the young man formerly asked her to marry him and she said yes. He handed her the ring and she slipped it on her finger. They decided not to touch each other until the wedding day; a decision they made together.
On November 22nd, 1997, the young couple touched and kissed for the first time at the marriage altar. To me, that is a beautiful story where Yahweh is in the lead. Not our flesh or own thoughts or feeling but Yahweh. Everyone seeking the will of Yahweh carefully. The young man seeks out Yahweh’s will.
Yahweh reveals to it in several ways. He seeks out his father’s counsel. His father, acting in a protective role, suggest he share his thoughts and meditations. The father communicates the situation to the other family.
Both families spend much time in prayer and supplication before Yahweh while getting to know the young man thoroughly. After being convinced of Yahweh’s will and after years of protection for the young girl and wise instruction under the father’s covering, she is brought the news and asked of her decision.
It’s not like they are picking out the mate. He asked what did she think. She didn’t have to answer right away but she felt conformation in her heart that this was Yahweh’s plan. They never touched each other until the day the stood together in marriage ceremony.
I’ve been to more than one of these marriages that have been this way. It is incredible and unexplainable….the electricity in the atmosphere. A sense of purity in the tent where they held hands for the first time was awesome. The couple made a covenant of salt.
They put salt from one bag and put it into the other and salt from the other into the other. You will never be able to retrieve those salt grains. So the marriage was permanent. We took them on a lake in our boat years ago after that.
They were inseparable and deeply in love with each other in ways that the ones of us who have been in that boyfriend/girlfriend routine will probably never fully realize. They are still married and still in love with each other.
What is the main focus when seeking a spouse when seeking marriage? The main focus should be like anything else. Seeking Yahweh in His will for our life in every respect. In every decision we make we have to seek the will of Yahweh. The seeking of a spouse is so important.
It is the second most important decision that is going to effect your life. The first one being whether or not you are going to let Yahushua be your savior. Whether you turn toward righteousness. We acknowledge Yahweh in everything we do and He will direct our paths:
Proverbs 3:6 - In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.
Proverbs 3:7 - Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear YAHWEH and depart from evil.
Proverbs 3:8 - It will be health to your flesh, And strength to your bones.
It is going to require that our faith has actually got some mettle to it; it’s real. That we are going to put our lives in the hand of Yahweh and not let our own emotions, feeling, or desires direct our paths. We are going to let Yahweh direct our paths in this decision.
If you are already accustomed to doing that then when it comes to getting married you don’t have to go out and practice divorce and remarriage through dating. You can seek Yahweh and He can show you the one He has chosen to be your spouse. His choice will always be the right choice.
This is a very hard thing to communicate to our youth sometimes. I have difficulty communicating it. I believe with all my heart and have seen it on a multiple of occasions how this works. I don’t know all the details and am not ready to tell you all the ins and outs through this, that, and the other.
I just know if Yahweh is in the lead and we are willing to here His voice and not let our own thought, ways, and desires interfere with that, He will bring us to safety. We will be exactly where we are suppose to be.
What I am suggesting is that marriages are such a serious and weightier decision that the parents of both families should be involved with counselors who assist their children in seeking Yahweh‘s will in this matter with the children willingly respecting their parents approval. After all, Yahweh is the one who chose your parents.
You can’t choose another set of parents. If Yahweh chose your parents then He is going to help them see how to direct you into adulthood. I’m not saying parents go out and choose your mates, your daughter’s husband, or anything like that.
I’m just saying parents need to be involved in the decision making process, the people who Yahweh chose to be guiders, protectors, and leaders of your life. Marriage is the greatest decision that will result in the greatest blessing or the greatest cursing.
There is no decision that will determine whether or not your children will be in the faith that will be weightier then who you will pick as a spouse. There is no decision that will bring more joy or heartache to a person’s life than who they decide to marry. When it comes to finding a spouse, the number one attraction needs to be spiritual.
The world has it backwards by looking at the physical attraction. That is where all the focus is today. Even common sense should tell us that physical attractions are not going to keep together for a lifetime. Outward appearance is going to fade as we age. Some people look for the emotional attraction which is rooted in how he/she makes me feel inside.
Feelings, emotions, and personality traits can have their ups and downs and can change. A person that makes decisions based on that is just not wise. We are fickle. We can change. When a person goes from age 17 to 22 it’s a huge change.
Besides, if you go into a relationship based on how it makes you feel then it is not for love, it is based on what they can do for you. Love is about what you do for others. Seven years seemed like nothing to serve for Jacob for Rachel because he loved her.
If he thought about himself then 7 years would have been a grueling task but it seemed like nothing because she was worth it. He loved her that much. That’s the point. If Yahweh establishes the relationship then He will be that 3rd cord.
Ecclesiastes 4:12 - Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
Yahweh has to be in control and let’s be sure we understand this, especially as young people.
I am not an authority on child training and am not claiming I have done everything correctly with my children and what they have done and what sins they’ve made. The specifics I will leave to you and the elders in the congregation to seek out and to seek prayer about.
Not every 2 stories are exactly the same but we do need to cleave to Yahweh’s way of doing things. The alternative is the society we have now. I can tell you for myself, thankfully my wife and I, although unbelievers prior to getting married, I had given my life to Yahweh 2 weeks before I met Kelly. I prayed for a wife and met her.
She accepted. I used the names Yahweh and Yahushua and she accepted them.
We made a ton of mistakes with very worldly things we did in the beginning of our marriage and at the outset prior to our marriage which impacted our family life which in turn impacted how Kara and KolaYah viewed marriage and how they viewed the faith and things like that. If we had started on this foundation that I just explained to you it would have been a lot different.
One thing has kept us together and that is we know Yahweh is the one who has chosen us to be there for each other and to be married. That has been that third part of the strand that has kept us together. There is no question in our mind that it is Yahweh that has kept us together. Thankfully we have been together now for 21 years.
To properly understand divorce and remarriage, the real issue isn’t go out and marry the one you love, the real issue is go out and love the one you marry. There’s a difference. If we have a good understanding to the purposes of marriage then we will never have to worry about divorce or remarriage.
The reality is out here on the ground is many of you are in divorce situations and wondering whether or not it is lawful or right for you to remarry. We are going to get into this. The goal is to build a good foundation. If we haven’t built a good foundation and we have divorces in our past then what are the guidelines?
What is considered to be permissible in regard to divorce and remarriage?
Genesis 2:23 - And Adam said: "This [is] now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man."
Genesis 2:24 - Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
According to Scripture, when woman was created, Yahweh ordained that man should leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife. In light of the fact that she was taken out of man, they are joined together to become one flesh. It is pretty evident at this time there was no such thing as divorce right?
Adam and Eve were created to be together as one flesh with no separation at all. In their unity, Yahweh wanted them to be fruitful and multiply. Elohim blessed them and said to them be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, and every living thing that moves on the earth.
We are the children of Elohim, the creator of all. In light of that, we are created in Yahweh’s image and it is evident Yahweh desires us to multiply a seed of Elohim. That is why man and woman are one.
Malachi 2:15 - But did He not make [them] one, Having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth.
That is what the Hebrew reads there. A reason why Yahweh has made man and woman one is so they will produce a seed of Elohim. Yahweh is interested in using us to bear His children. Now there is a whole lot that goes into when we get married knowing how to do that. I know of many successful families who every single one of their children are still in the faith.
They got started on the right foundations but some of them had to do some repair. My point is Yahweh is interested in using us to bear His children. It is not yet revealed what we are going to be but He wants us to bear His children.
So in spite of this beautiful plan Yahweh has implemented in the garden, man is choosing his own plan because man sinned and is no longer in the image and glory of Elohim. Yahweh’s image is a righteous and sinless image but man chose to go astray. Man chose another person to walk in the image of. In this case it is Satan the devil.
When we walk in rebellion and sin, we are walking in the image of Satan the devil. So we need to be redeemed.
John 5:19 - Then Yahushua answered and said to them, "Most assuredly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of Himself, but what He sees the Father do; for whatever He does, the Son also does in like manner.
Because of this fall of mankind in the Garden of Eden, we are no longer in the glory and image of Elohim. We have not been doing what the Father has taught us to do because we have all sinned.
Romans 3:23 - for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of Elohim,
Yahushua is the brightness of Yahweh’s glory
Hebrews 1:3 - who being the brightness of [His] glory and the express image of His person, and upholding all things by the word of His power, when He had by Himself purged our sins, sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high,
So through Him we are righteous and we are again in His image but we must be dead to self and alive to Messiah. In baptism we participate in Yahushua’s death and resurrection.
Colossians 2:11 - In Him you were also circumcised with the circumcision made without hands, by putting off the body of the sins of the flesh, by the circumcision of Messiah,
Colossians 2:12 - buried with Him in baptism, in which you also were raised with [Him] through faith in the working of Elohim, who raised Him from the dead.
Colossians 2:13 - And you, being dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, He has made alive together with Him, having forgiven you all trespasses,
Again, one of my favorite Scriptures:
Galatians 2:20 - "I have been crucified with Messiah; it is no longer I who live, but Messiah lives in me; and the [life] which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of Elohim, who loved me and gave Himself for me.
Our former man is now more. It is Yahushua who lives in us now. These things are very important to understand if we are going to fully grasp Yahweh’s will for marriage which is a man and a woman made in one flesh by Yahweh to rule over creation and bear other children, a seed of Elohim, who will do the same.
Let’s summarize the points here:
(1) We are created in the image of Elohim. One was taken out of man and when they are joined together they are one flesh. Now as one flesh it is Yahweh’s plan for us to be fruitful and multiply, bearing more children of Elohim.
(2) Adam and Eve sinned causing them to be no longer to be the image of Elohim but Yahushua came and redeemed us and through Him, we are again in His image as children of Elohim.
(3) It is no longer we who live, but Yahushua who lives in us.
Understanding these things as a foundation will help us understand with all the Scriptures that deal with divorce and remarriage. This is the foundation Yahushua taught from on this subject. Obviously, divorce was never Yahweh’s intent and it is not Yahweh’s ultimate will for today either.
Yahweh’s ultimate will is for us is to love Him, to serve Him, through marriage, and bear children who will do the same. That is His will and we’ve lost it on how to do in this age today. We have to find our way back somehow. I’m not claiming to have all the answers on that.
When men and women are joined as men and women of Yahweh, as one flesh through marriage, there is to be no divorce. That is Yahushua’s point in
Matthew 19:3 - The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for [just] any reason?"
Matthew 19:4 - And He answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made [them] at the beginning `made them male and female,'
So in answering to the divorce and remarriage question, where did Yahushua go? He went to Genesis as the basis and foundation for understanding the divorce and remarriage question. You noticed when He said they're are no longer 2 but 1 flesh therefore what Elohim has joined together, let not man separate.
Matthew 19:7 - They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?"
Matthew 19:8 - He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.
Matthew 19:9 - "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery."
Matthew 19:10 - His disciples said to Him, "If such is the case of the man with [his] wife, it is better not to marry."
Yahushua’s response to them is this, have you not read? You should know this already. Indicating to them they should have already known the answer if they had only read about this in Genesis in the Torah. When Yahweh does something we should never try to change it.
In any effort to change anything Yahweh establishes for us is not His true will for us. Yahushua said Moshe permitted, not commanded, you to divorce your wives but from the beginning it was not so. I find that very interested and think it warrants an investigation to whether this was something that was commanded or whether it was something that was permitted.
The Scripture in question is in Deuteronomy 24. Let us first examine this in the King James version.
Deuteronomy 24:1 - "When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.
2 And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife.
In Hebrew, this phrase ‘let him’ is simply the letter vav in front of ’kathab’ which means write. This vav at the very beginning of the word is called a particle conjunction and is most commonly translated ‘and’. What it really means is and he writes.
This word kathab is the word for writing in the 3rd person masculine. The letter w, if you know anything about Hebrew at all, almost without exception usually means and. What we have in the King James version is ‘then let him’ and that’s quite different then what is in the Hebrew.
What the Hebrew has is ‘and he writes’. Then the other version in verse 2 up above is translated ‘she may go’ in the King James version. What it actually means is ‘and she goes’ which is halak in the Hebrew. The word halak, you might be familiar with that one, means the way we walk.
So it is ‘and’, and it is feminine. ‘And she goes’ to be another man’s wife. This is a terrible, terrible, terrible translation that has caused a tremendous amount of confusion in the divorce and remarriage question.
Just to show you that I am not making this up out of thin air, I want you to look at some other translations. Here is the New King James and they notice the error. It says, “When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her ‘and he writes’ a certificate of divorcement.
"And he writes" and "then let him write" are very different. ‘Then let him write’ is like go ahead and let him write that and ‘and he writes’ is commenting on what he is doing. Moving on to “when she has departed from his house, and goes and becomes another man’s wife” is a commentary on actions that are occurring as opposed to a command permitting something to happen here.
In the Revised Standard Version also has ‘and so he writes’ and ‘she goes off to become another man‘s wife‘.
Now the Scriptures translation and once again we have ‘and he shall write’ and ‘and if she left’ is a commentary on what happened. Not a command to write a certificate of divorce.
Here is the New American Standard version stating the same “When a man happens to take a wife and marry her and happens she finds no favor in his eyes, because he has found some indecency in her and he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and send her out from his house, and she leaves his house and goes and becomes another man’s wife“, then what?
“And if the latter husband turns against her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house or if the latter husband dies who took her to be her wife”,
(when all that happens)
“then her former husband who sent her away is not allowed to take her again to be his wife.”
WHEN this scenario unfolds, the former husband is not allowed to take her back again. That is the ruling in Deuteronomy 24:2.
It is not the criteria on which divorce is permitted because that is not even what is being spoken of here. It is not saying divorce is permissible in this instance or a different instance or not permitted in another instance. There are tons of commentary out there trying to figure out what this means in the Hebrew about this manner of indecency.
They think this is the grounds on which divorce is permitted. There was a school of thought out there where a man could divorce his wife if she burnt his toast among the Jews in the 1st century.
You could write her a bill of divorcement because of that or of something improper. Deuteronomy 24 is not addressing the issue of what is proper grounds for divorce. It is commenting on something that occurred. If she leaves and marries someone else, since she has been defiled, she cannot go back to the former husband.
As it says there, since she has been defiled, that is an abomination before Yahweh and you shall not bring sin on the land which Yahweh your Elohim gives you as an inheritance. That is the real issue here. Can their former husband take her back? That is what being spoken of in Deuteronomy 24.
Which is real interesting because there are all the divorce/remarriage books and studies with state marriages always being a marriage before Yahweh so a person in a remarriage situation needs to go back to their first spouse.
Yes, there are Christian books out there saying your new marriage isn’t really a marriage so you need to go back to the first person you were married to with that being the thing you are supposed to do because the rest of them were adultery. Yahweh says nope, once you are defiled you cannot go back.
Once you have gone and married somebody else, you cannot go back. He considers it to be an abomination. I don’t see for a second something that Yahweh considers to be an abomination in the Torah is suddenly acceptable in the New Testament Christianity. I don’t buy that.
The same way Yahweh hasn’t changed His mind about for marriage, He does not change His mind on what He considers to be an abomination.
Nevertheless, it is true. Yahushua said that Moshe did not expressly forbid divorce and the reason he permitted divorce was because of the hardness of their hearts.
This is indicating if we do not have the hardness of hearts then there wouldn’t be divorce.
That is a very interesting statement because if you consider all the things Yahweh did forbid in the Torah, it might be a little strange that He would be concerned about the condition of a person’s beard by not being allowed to cut the corners off and then not outright give a command forbidding divorce if it was that weighty.
Why didn’t Yahweh consider the hardness of their hearts when He made other commandments like don’t shave around the edge of your head, don’t get tattoos, and don’t mix wool and linen? Why was divorce not forbidden in the Torah? What is going on here?
Why is Yahushua issuing a new law, a new principle that was unheard of? I don’t believe that is the case at all. If a person who lived in ancient times in Israel had done research by studying the Scriptures and heard them and understood Genesis 2:1-3 and saw what happened, learned about it and examined it then they would have concluded the same thing Yahushua did.
There is no divorce between 2 Yahweh fearing individuals, period.
The purpose of marriage is to produce a seed of Elohim. Divorce is one thing that will be a stumbling block. So when is, if is, divorce ever permitted permissible in Scripture? Is there ever a circumstance where Yahweh would consider a divorce? Yes, but we have to understand what that is.
Many people would recite Matthew 19 where He gave an exception for sexual immorality. We are going to examine that very question in the next several broadcasts.
First we are going to continue laying a foundation of what Yahweh really wants out of marriage. The things that we want out of marriage vs. certain things that Yahweh wants out of marriage.
That will help us to understand what it we should do in every circumstance we find ourselves in.
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