Transcript of Sabbath Meeting - 08/13/99

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This relationship is so very important to every couple.

It makes the difference in their own peace and blessings.

It also is a great determiner of blessings for the children. Praise Yahweh!

In some ways this connection is like any good relationship between two people: built on respect, courtesy and friendliness.

With those elements in it, your marriage may not be exciting but it will certainly be acceptable.

However, if you can find it together, there is nothing else in our human experience that matches a good relationship with our spouse.

Yahweh has given us a number of helps to have a better relationship with our spouse.

Let's go to Genesis 2:23-24, And Adam said, "Now this is bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man." Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

In Matthew 19:5 we read that Yahshua the Messiah quoted this concept.

It had not become obsolete in those first four thousand years.

The concept of the two becoming one flesh is still worth thinking about. . . .

If you make a mistake by which you hurt yourself, what action do you take?

Do you call yourself names, get into a big depression, deny yourself all pleasures or even hit yourself?

Usually not. Rational people will shrug their shoulders, learn what they can from the experience and continue their lives as happily as the circumstances permit.

When a married person makes a mistake which causes hurt to their mate, the mate should choose to react in that same rational way.

The main difference is that, early in the marriage one may have to tell the other that he/she has been hurt.

One might say, "I know you didn't mean to hurt me, but I felt kinda hurt and 'alone' when you made that remark."

After some years pass they just know what would hurt; they do become more nearly one flesh.

Usually people can say "I make mistakes like that too."

They react to an undesirable action of their mate as a sensible person would react to a mistake of their own.

When you look at marriage in this way, with the two being so emotionally and spiritually close, divorce is somewhat like suicide isn't it?

'Cleave' to your wife' means 'get and stay very close' to her.

Work on your relationship with that in mind.

While both partners must be involved in the project, it seems to be more of a challenge to a man.

Perhaps that is why the command is directed primarily towards 'a man'.

Keeping in mind this close, one flesh, relationship of a married couple we can now approach 1 Corinthians 11.

3 I want you to understand that the head of every man is The Messiah;

and the head of the wife is her husband;

and the head of The Messiah is Yahweh.

8 For the man is not derived from the woman; but the woman from the man.

9 Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman was created for the man.

11 Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman,

nor the woman without the man, in Yahweh.

12 For, as the woman is derived from the man, even so the man is also born of a woman; but all things are created by Elohim.

This scripture describes an ideal world in which the wife happily accepts the husband's final decision and the husband is striving to be yielded to the Messiah in every way.

As a marriage matures properly the question of ‘who's boss?' hardly comes up.

How can one 'lord it over' another if they are one flesh?

They communicate with each other so closely that the husband's decision is shared, understood, grasped, appreciated and agreed to by the wife in most cases.

The wise and loving husband makes sure that it is.

The wise and loving husband makes sure that it is.

(That repitition was not an error)

The command for a wife to be submissive to her husband does not mean the man is better than the woman.

It simply sets out a working order that is in harmony with the way Yahweh created them and the rest of creation.

The command for a woman to be submissive to her husband is also found in Genesis 3:16, Titus 2:5, 1 Timothy 2:12, Colossians 3:18, Ephesians 5:22 and 1 Peter 3:1 & 1 Peter 3:6.

How beautiful it is to see a wife who obeys, supports, and encourages her beloved husband.

How pleased her parents are at her resulting joy, peace and security!

The Corinthians had written to Paul asking some questions about marriage and about relationships between unmarried people.

They may have asked if it was bad for people to get married or to have marital relations.

Paul answered in 1 Corinthians 7:1-4 Now, concerning the things of which you wrote: it is good for a [single] man not to touch a woman.

Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

Let the husband give the wife the love to which she is entitled and likewise also the wife to the husband. The wife does not have control of her own body, but her husband has it: and likewise also the husband does not have power of his own body, but the wife.

Every marriage ceremony includes the promise to love your spouse. That is why Paul talks about married people being entitled to love.

Notice that he includes physical love as expressed with their bodies.

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Not always, but generally, the husband has a greater need for physical relations than the wife.

Many wives do not appreciate their husband's deep need for physical love.

Many husbands do not get the physical love they would like because they do not appreciate or fulfill their wives' deep need for affection and security.

Ask your mate if he or she is pleased with your most intimate activities together and how you could do better.

Listen to the answer without defensiveness.

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Paul continues in verse 5: Do not deprive one another [of marital relations], except by agreement for a period of time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer; and then come together again, so that Satan can not use any lack of self-control to tempt you. But I speak this by permission, and not by commandment.

Email me for the free article, Cleanness before Yahweh to understand more about the effect of marital relations on your prayer.

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It seems that there should be more in the Scripture about sex; but this is the bottom line - each has the rule over the other's body.

One person described marriage as a community of two loving masters and two obedient slaves, making in all - two.

And to the married I command, yet not I, but Yahweh, Let the wife not depart from her husband: But if she does depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife, (verses 10-11).

Paul is explaining what should be obvious -two true believers can not be divorced, although they may live apart for a time.

But to the rest I, not Yahweh, speak: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman who has a husband who does not believe, and if he is pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is set apart by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is set apart by the husband: otherwise your children would have been unclean; but now they are set apar

16 For what do you know, O wife, whether you shall be an instrument of your husband's salvation? Or how do you know, O man, whether you shall be an instrument of your wife's salvation?

Paul explains further that even if your spouse does not yet believe, you must continue in the marriage as long as he/she wishes.

[If the unbelieving spouse insists on being very abusive then he/she does not actually want to live properly with the believer. No one must take constant abuse from an unbelieving mate.]

Furthermore, the believer is to be a loving example of a good spouse to their mate.

Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be freed. Are you free of a wife? Do not seek a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned.

Nevertheless they [who marry] shall have physical troubles, which I would like to spare you. Yes, I would have you free from cares.

He who is unmarried is concerned about the things of Yahweh, how he may please Yahweh:

But he who is married is concerned about the things that are of the world and how he may please his wife.

There is a similar difference between a wife and a virgin.

The unmarried woman is concerned about the things of Yahweh, that she may be dedicated [to Him] both in body and in spirit:

but she who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband, 1 Corinthians 7:27-28, 32-34.

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The scriptures are silent about the mechanics of sexuality because we can discover what we need to by ourselves.

Often you can learn all you need to know by asking your spouse what he or she would like.

If you need guidance in this area ask a knowledgeable professional to recommend a good book or audio program.

Get what you need from it but keep in mind that Yahweh's principles of love, fidelity, respect and fulfillment of the proper roles are the basis of a happy family.

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HOW TO HAVE A FAMILY ARGUMENT

It seems that every couple has lapses in communication or in respect that develop into a little or sometimes big verbal fight.

When that happens, be careful to control the effect on your long-term relationship.

Discuss, listen, use logic and bring in appropriate facts but don't shout, try to hurt or dredge up the long past.

The booklet, Scriptural Help for Anger is free, email me for it.

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HEIRS TOGETHER OF THE GRACE OF LIFE

Let your relationship with Yahweh be one of the things you share.

Come before Yahweh's throne hand-in-hand together regularly.

If therefore, you are offering your gift [prayer] on the altar and there remember that your [spouse] has anything against you, leave your gift right there before the altar and take the path required of you. First be reconciled with your [spouse] and then come and offer your gift, Matthew 5:23-24.

Sometimes a couple will have an argument just before leaving for Sabbath services.

If that happens, the Messiah's words here mean that you must put off going to services and be reconciled with each other before you may begin to worship.

Resolve the problem, drop it forever, and then go together in peace to worship the Prince of Peace.

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Married people should remember that Yahweh made men different from women.

Just as they have different styles, talents and abilities they also have different needs.

In general men need sexual fulfillment, companionship, support at home and the admiration of their wife.

A man also wants an attractive wife. By this I mean a wife who takes good care of herself and is friendly and good-natured.

Women need affection, conversation, openness, steady financial support, and a strong commitment to the family from their husband.

Strive to provide these things for your spouse in love under Yahweh's laws of love.

The husband-wife relationship is the basis for a happy and successful family, good children, and even for happy grandchildren.

REJOICE TOGETHER BEFORE YAHWEH

Every family should attend Sabbath services each week if possible, and is COMMANDED to attend the annual feasts of Yahweh as described in Leviticus 23.

This is so important that we are instructed to devote a tithe of our increase to keeping the festivals.

The joyous feast is described in Deuteronomy 14:22-25, then in verse 26 we read,

And you shall bestow that money for whatever you lust after, for oxen, or for sheep, or for wine, or for strong drink, or for whatever you desire: and you shall eat there before Yahweh your Elohim, and you shall rejoice, YOU AND YOUR HOUSEHOLD.

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Another topic which can help your family is control of TV.

He who works deceit shall not dwell in my house: he that tells lies shall not remain in my sight, Psalms 101:7.

This would be a good topic for a message some time. I would urge one of the men who has not given a message to prepare a study on it.

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So, in conclusion, remember to:

Concentrate on having a good relationship with your spouse.

Assure yourself a blessing by keeping your proper role.

Be sensitive and loving enough to fulfill your spouse's needs in every way.

If you have a believing mate then give thanks together to your Father in Heaven for a great gift.

If you have an unbelieving mate then the burden falls on you to make the marriage a brilliant success. You can do it, but it takes extra effort.

May Yahweh bless each of you with shalom in your home.

HalleluYAH !