01/20/2006 Sabbath Meeting Transcript

Tonight begins part three of what is now a four part study discussing the divorce and remarriage issue.

In the first part of this study we discussed the foundation for marriage and the importance of a believer not marrying an unbeliever.

In part two we discussed how Yahushua's "porneia" exception for divorce and remarriage included marriages between believers and unbeliever, thus in line with the Torah and the examples in Ezra/Nehemiah.

We also looked at Paul's statements regarding divorce and remarriage in 1 Corinthians 7. Paul's statement that Yahushua never commanded a believer and unbeliever to stay together was shown to be in perfect agreement with Yahushua's exception.

If you have not read the previous two parts of this study, I would encourage you to do so. Otherwise, you may not fully understand what is being shared tonight.

Tonight we will look into whether adultery alone is legitimate grounds for divorce, and whether divorce during the betrothal period is what Yahushua was speaking of when allowing for divorce and remarriage. We will also examine what should be done if a believer commits adultery against their spouse.

Next week we will look into examples of where physical porneia is always grounds for divorce and remarriage, how polygamy is affected by Yahushua's statements on divorce and remarriage, and we will discuss the scriptural ways of saving an unbelieving spouse who is "willing to live with" you.

Tonight's study in particular will require a high degree of concentration and attention to what is being spoken. This can be a confusing subject due to all the different understandings there are on this issue.  

Physical "Porneia" exceptions

It is also important to remember that when Yahushua said "except it be for porneia/zenuth" in Matthew 19:9, Yahushua was speaking in the context of a literal marriage between a man and a woman. For this reason, there must also be instances of physical 'porneia' which are legitimate reasons for divorce.

While the context of Yahushua's statements, the meaning of the word "porneia", the Torah, and also Paul's statements show that he was also speaking of spiritual harlotry, it would be a challenge to the context if we assumed that Yahushua was ONLY speaking of "porneia" in a spiritual sense when everyone knows that "porneia" also is defined as various sins of the flesh such as adultery, incest, homosexuality and prostitution. 

Now "Porneia" and its Hebrew equivalent ("zenuth) are broad words which can refer to any of sexual sin exclusively. It does not always refer to every one of these sins when it is used. To determine the meaning of these words in a sentence, the context must be examined. For example:

1Corinthians 5:1 - It is reported commonly that there is fornication among you, and such fornication as is not so much as named among the Gentiles, that one should have his father's wife.

In the above verse, he isn't talking about homosexuality, prostitution or spiritual harlotry. The "porneia" being spoken of is incest. Another example:   

(the word translated "fornication" is "porneia")

1Corinthians 6:13 - Meats for the belly, and the belly for meats: but YAHWEH shall destroy both it and them. Now the body is not for fornication, but for YAHWEH; and YAHWEH for the body.

1Corinthians 6:14 - And YAHWEH hath both raised up Yahushua, and will also raise up us by his own power.

1Corinthians 6:15 - Know ye not that your bodies are the members of the Messiah? shall I then take the members of the Messiah, and make them the members of an harlot? By no means.

In the above example, Paul is speaking of engaging in relations with a prostitute. So "porneia" doesn't always refer to every type of sexual sin. It can be used to speak of specific types of sexual sin. It can also be used to refer to idolatry

Revelation 19:2 - "For true and righteous are His judgments, because He has judged the great harlot who corrupted the earth with her fornication; and He has avenged on her the blood of His servants shed by her."

Now let's look at Yahushua's statement:

Matthew 19:9 - And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

So the question is, was Yahushua talking about all types of "porneia" when He mentioned the exception or was He only talking about certain kinds of porneia?

Some believe that He was only talking about one specific kind of porneia while others believe He was talking about any and all porneia. In this study we will examine the claims of both.

Divorce of the betrothed

Some have suggested that the exceptions Yahushua spoke of was a physical 'porneia' which occurred during the betrothal period and not after they had consummated the marriage through intercourse. One of the reasons for this is Yahushua never mentioned an exception in Luke or Mark.  

Mark 10:11 - And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her.

Mark 10:12 - And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.

Luke 16:18 - Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery.

Since no exception is mentioned in the above verses, it supports the belief that the exception would be so rare that it wasn't even worth mentioning. And it also supports the belief that between two fully married persons, there is to be no divorce.

However, the lack of an exception could also be explained by understanding that Yahushua was talking to believers. The likelihood of a Jewish person running off and worshiping Zeus was practically unheard of in the first century. Jews wouldn't even eat with idol worshiping Gentiles, let alone marry them. For example:

Acts 10:28 - And he said unto them, Ye know how that it is an unlawful thing for a man that is a Jew to keep company, or come unto one of another nation; but YAHWEH hath shewed me that I should not call any man common or unclean.

So rare would such a divorce be, even the apostles exclaimed "it is better not to marry!" 

Matthew 19:9 - And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

Matthew 19:10 - His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry.

So the response by the apostles even shows that the exception was so rare, that divorce would be practically unheard of. Thus, they thought it might be better not to marry since you would basically be locked into the marriage forever.

This would certainly lend credence to the possibility that Yahushua could have been talking about divorces which occur during the betrothal period as well. Also consider:

Romans 7:1 - Know ye not, brethren, (for I speak to them that know the law,) how that the law hath dominion over a man as long as he liveth?

Romans 7:2 - For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband.

Romans 7:3 - So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.

Again, Paul is speaking of marriages between two believers in Yahweh that produce a seed of Elohim. He specifically says, "I speak to those who know the Torah".

Since marriages between believers and wicked, rebellious unbelievers are forbidden in the Torah, a pagan woman would not be "bound by the Torah" to her husband. Rather, a man would be forbidden from marrying such a woman in the first place

And in fact, they divorced such women in Ezra/Nehemiah

The word translated "bound" in the above verses is also translated "bound" in this scripture:

1Corinthians 7:27 - Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife.

Consistent with the Paul's counsel that we remain in the same calling in which we are called, he mentions the possibility that a man can be either bound or loosed from a wife. Since he certainly wasn't encouraging dead men to remain unmarried, there would obviously be instances where a man could be loosed from his wife. 

So in Romans 7, Paul would be speaking in the context of marriages between believers

In those cases it is true that a woman cannot divorce and marry another without committing adultery. He would not be speaking of marriages that are transgressions the Torah to begin with. So Romans 7 and also 1Corinthians 7:39 would be speaking in the context of marriage the way it was intended in Genesis 1 & 2: a man and woman to coming together as "one flesh" to "be fruitful and multiply" a seed of Elohim. 

(transgressions of the Torah to begin with)

So in the scriptures where Yahushua makes no mention of an exception, it is well understood that He was talking to believers in Yahweh, and between two believers in Yahweh there is no divorce, period.

It would be much like Paul's statements in 1Cor 7:10-11 where he says "to the married" there is to be no divorce at all. He never qualified this statement with any exception until he spoke of an existing marriage between a new believer and unbeliever. In a true scriptural marriage, there is no divorce and remarriage! 

Let's now examine the point possibility that Yahushua was only talking about divorces which occur during the betrothal period when He made the exception in Matthew 19:9 and 5:32.

Those that this view believe the only valid divorces are those which occur prior to a couple coming together as "one flesh" through intercourse.

To this one might wonder, how could they even be considered married if they haven't come together as "one flesh?"

Well, in Israel two "betrothed" persons were considered by everyone to be husband and wife from the day they were betrothed (engaged) to be married. This is quite different than what is commonly practiced today. Today, the promises are exchanged at the wedding. In Israel, the promises are made at the beginning of the betrothal or engagement period

The actual wedding night with the couple coming together as 'one flesh' may not take place for months, or even a year after the betrothal was initiated. So the formal marriage agreement and contract was initiated at the beginning of the engagement. This fact is evidenced in a number of scriptures. For example:

Deuteronomy 22:23 - If a damsel that is a virgin be betrothed unto an husband, and a man find her in the city, and lie with her;

Deuteronomy 22:24 - Then ye shall bring them both out unto the gate of that city, and ye shall stone them with stones that they die; the damsel, because she cried not, being in the city; and the man, because he hath humbled his neighbour's wife: so thou shalt put away evil from among you.

"he hath humbled his neighbour's WIFE"

Yahweh considered the virgin in this instance to be "his neighbors wife". So even in Yahweh's eyes, two betrothed persons are husband and wife before the marriage is consummated on the wedding night. Anciently, betrothal was so binding that it took a divorce to separate it:

Matthew 1:18 - Now the birth of Yahushua the Messiah was on this wise: When as his mother Mary was espoused to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Spirit.

Matthew 1:19 - Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not willing to make her a publick example, was minded to put her away privily.

Notice that Joseph was called "a just man", yet was minded to divorce his wife during this betrothal period because of what others might perceive as unfaithfulness. This demonstrates the binding nature of a betrothal.

For this reason, some believe this is an example of a legitimate divorce in Yahweh's eyes. I would have to agree that it is a legitimate divorce since Joseph is indeed called "a just man" and this scenario does not violate Yahushua's statement that "what Elohim has joined together (as one flesh), let not man separate".

They are not yet "one flesh", so no separation of "one flesh" is taking place. For this reason, some assume the "divorce" Yahushua was speaking of in Matthew 19:9 must be speaking of divorces which occur prior to the time the couple come together physically to become 'one flesh'.

However, is this really what Yahushua was talking about when he mentions the exception?

Let's try to put this exception into the text and see what we come up with. Please give careful attention to this and please keep in mind that the basis for their assumption is that we should not separate what "Elohim has joined together" as "one flesh".

Matthew 19:9 - And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

Since those who hold this view are limiting the 'porneia' to the betrothal period, when Yahushua says "whoever divorces his wife" He would have to be talking about a betrothed wife rather than a wife that you had become "one flesh" with.

This being the case, the entire statement must be read as a statement which only applies to the betrothal period

Therefore, Yahushua would be saying "whoever divorces his betrothed wife, except for "porneia", and marries another, commits adultery."

In other words, if a man betrothed himself to a wife and he broke off the betrothal for any reason other than "porneia", both he and his betrothed would be committing adultery if they ever married anyone else!

But how could this be the case since he was never 'one flesh' with her to begin with?

If he divorced her before he became 'one flesh' with her, and she married someone else and became 'one flesh' with them, how is that a violation of Yahushua's statement "What Elohim has joined together (as one flesh), let no man separate?" It doesn't really make any sense.

So I find it hard to believe that Yahushua was talking about the betrothal period alone when He said "except it be for porneia/zenuth". He didn't need to cover this as being a reason because He was not talking about divorces which occur during the betrothal period.

The context of the Pharisees' question was marriages that had already been consummated. A person can remarry after divorcing their betrothed spouse for ANY REASON, not just "porneia/zenuth".

There is no logical reason otherwise because they never became "one flesh."

Since the basis for holding this view is the idea that we can't separate what Elohim has joined together as one flesh, they are agreeing that the marriage isn't "one flesh" until it is consummated through intercourse.

But it makes no sense to only allow divorces during the betrothal period for reasons of "porneia" and then condemn remarriages as adultery. That would not a separation of a "one flesh" marriage!

I discussed this with two people who hold this view. They didn't have an answer for it

So what actually constitutes a marriage? Let's examine:

Malachi 2:13 - And this have ye done again, covering the altar of YAHWEH with tears, with weeping, and with crying out, insomuch that he regardeth not the offering any more, or receiveth it with good will at your hand.

Malachi 2:14 - Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because YAHWEH hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.

Notice that it says she is "your wife by covenant."

When a man and woman of Yahweh decide that they want to get married, they are considered to be husband and wife whenever they make their covenant with one another to be husband and wife. Consider the example of Isaac and Rebekah:

Genesis 24:67 - And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother's death.

In the above case, Abraham and Yahweh chose a wife for Isaac and this is obviously something that Isaac had agreed to as well. Rebekah had already agreed to it and showed her agreement by coming with Abraham's servant.

All that was needed was an agreement to be husband and wife, which was then consummated when they became one flesh. No ceremony was needed and no formal wedding.

Only an agreement (covenant) to be husband and wife is needed, which is then sealed when they become one flesh. 

Today, the marriage covenant with its commitments are made at the wedding, and this is when they are pronounced "husband and wife."

The marriage is then sealed when they become "one flesh". In Yahweh's eyes, it requires no involvement from any governmental entity. The marriage is not a covenant between a man, woman and some government.

Rather, it is a covenant between a man and woman with Elohim joining them together as one flesh.

If a couple has intercourse before the covenant is made, it would be considered a sin (fornication) until they made the covenant/agreement at the wedding. 

A good test for whether two people are really married is to ask them, "Do you call her your wife?" and "Do you call him your husband?". This usually answers the question.

Physical Adultery

The other view which is quite popular today is the belief that Yahushua was speaking of adultery when making the exception which allows for divorce and remarriage.

In today's adulterous generation, it should be no surprise that this is popular.

However, if we closely examine what Yahushua is saying we'll find that in actual application it either results in moral debauchery in the assembly, or in Yahushua contradicting Himself.

Let me explain with a scenario that will illustrate this, but first lets quote the passage for reference, this time inserting the exception of adultery into the text:

Matthew 19:9 And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for [adultery], and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery."

Matthew 5:32 "But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except [adultery] causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery. 

When you put this into the text, it almost seems nonsensical doesn't it?

With these scriptures in mind, please pay close and careful attention to a scenario which illustrates this. This scenario assumes adultery is legitimate grounds for divorce and remarriage:

Suppose two believers were married, and the man decided to divorce his wife and marry another woman just because he found a prettier woman than she. This alone would not be legitimate grounds for divorce since no adultery was committed by the wife.

Therefore, Yahweh would not honor the divorce on the part of the man and would consider his new marriage to be an adulterous marriage.

The entire reason the new marriage is an adulterous marriage is because Yahweh did not honor the divorce he made with his first wife.

He is still "one flesh" with the original wife.

Now because Yahweh did not honor the divorce and they are still considered "one flesh", this also would prevent the woman from being able to remarry. For this reason Yahushua says, "whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery."

Now if Yahushua's exception for divorce and remarriage was really adultery, then it seems to me He would be contradicting Himself. Why?

Because if the man is over there committing adultery in this second marriage, why couldn't she marry anyone else? Isn't he committing adultery?

Why then would Yahushua say, "whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery?" when her husband has committed adultery on her?And in fact, since the man is committing adultery, why wouldn't that cancel his first marriage and enable him to continue in that remarriage to the prettier woman?

You can't have it as adultery for the one and not adultery for the other. Either the marriage is no longer "one flesh" or it is still "one flesh". Either Yahweh honors the divorce or He doesn't. 

When presenting this scenario to those who accept adultery as legitimate grounds for divorce, I was met with a potential solution to this problem.

It was suggested that when a man divorced his wife for the reason mentioned above, in his new marriage he did indeed commit adultery the FIRST TIME he went to bed with his new 'wife'.

But because he committed adultery, Yahweh honored the divorce he made with his first wife and he could continue having physical relations with his new wife without committing adultery. Then his first wife (whom he divorced) could also find a new husband since he committed adultery that one time. 

But with this rather bizarre interpretation, anyone could divorce and remarry FOR ANY REASON and the adultery they committed with their new wife cancelled the previous marriage, and their adultery is no longer adultery.

How can having physical relations with a woman be adultery the first time, but not adultery each time after that? Is this really what Yahushua meant?

What would prevent people from just swapping wives?

For instance, suppose brother Bill and sister Sue get divorced for any old reason, then brother Jack and sister Jane get divorced for any old reason. Bill could marry Jack's wife, then Jack would be free to marry Bill's wife!

Since Bill and Jane's adultery against their spouses frees them to remain married, their former spouses could marry one another without committing adultery at all! Sure

Sure, that first act would be adultery, but that's easy to repent of.. just repent for that one act of adultery and continue the relationship! Surely wife swapping in the body of Messiah is more severe sin than that one act of adultery between Bill and Jane! 

Obviously, this would be moral debauchery in the assembly that results in very confused and very very hurt children in the assembly. How could we explain to Jack's children that "sister Sue" is their new mommy and their real mommy, seated 2 rows back, is married to "sister Sue's" old husband, "brother Bill?"

This kind of wicked moral standard would be a horrible witness to our children, not to mention the community. Sadly, such is the case in some churches and congregations today!

And to think that such marriages could ever in a million years be considered by Yahweh to be "honorable among all" and the bed "undefiled?" Could Yahweh really ever honor such marriages? 

Hebrews 13:4 - Marriage [is] honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers YAHWEH will judge.

But wife swapping would be authorized by Yahushua Himself if you understand adultery on the part of a believing spouse to be one of the 'physical porneia' exceptions. It just doesn't make any sense. How would such a moral standard be much different than what the heathen do?

The marriage bed is to be undefiled by fornication and adultery. Even in the Torah, a woman who remarried after a divorce was called "defiled":

Deuteronomy 24:1 - When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.

Deuteronomy 24:2 - And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife.

Deuteronomy 24:3 - And if the latter husband hate her, and write her a bill of divorcement, and giveth it in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house; or if the latter husband die, which took her to be his wife;

Deuteronomy 24:4 - Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before YAHWEH: and thou shalt not cause the land to sin, which YAHWEH thy Elohim giveth thee for an inheritance.

He cannot remarry her after she has been defiled. In scripture, the act of adultery itself is considered to be a defiling act:

Numbers 5:12 - Speak unto the children of Israel, and say unto them, If any man's wife go aside, and commit a trespass against him,

Numbers 5:13 - And a man lie with her carnally, and it be hid from the eyes of her husband, and be kept close, and she be defiled, and there be no witness against her, neither she be taken with the manner;

Numbers 5:14 - And the spirit of jealousy come upon him, and he be jealous of his wife, and she be defiled: or if the spirit of jealousy come upon him, and he be jealous of his wife, and she be not defiled:

So this may lend some insight into why Yahushua said whoever who divorces his wife causes her to commit the defiling act of adultery:

Matthew 5:32 - But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

Note "he causeth her to commit adultery"

So what actually should be done if a spouse committed adultery?

If adultery is ever committed by an unbeliever, Paul said Yahushua never commanded a believer to remain married to an unbeliever. Therefore, the exception in Matthew 5:32 and 19:9 would include marriages between a believer and unbeliever.

Marriages between believers and unbelievers are forbidden in the Torah and are not part of Yahweh's plan from the beginning.

Therefore, if an unbelieving spouse chooses to commit adultery, it is not a sin to divorce them. In fact, it is not a sin to divorce them for any reason if they are truly an unbeliever.

This being the case, the only time adultery even becomes an issue is when adultery is committed by a believer who is married to another believer.

Of course, adultery is never supposed to be a problem in marriages between two believers. If it is a problem, this is not a good sign that the offender is truly a believer. The offender certainly can be a believer (for even King David fell in this sin), but it is not supposed to be a problem among us.  

However, in today's sex charged and the horribly immoral society where the world's largest collection of pornography is only a few clicks away on the internet, there will sometimes be cases when even a believer can gets caught up the sin of adultery.

King David's sin began with his eyes. In this wicked and adulterous generation, satan has no shortage of willing servants to tempt men with their eyes. For while men do sin, it is satan and those who imitate satan that tempt men to actually want to do the sin.

This is why believers should be wearing modest clothing that draws no attention at all to the parts of our body which are only intended for our spouse to see.

We surely don't want to be imitating satan by being a source of temptation for anyone! Those that offend are called tares among the wheat:

Matthew 13:40 - As therefore the tares are gathered and burned in the fire; so shall it be in the end of this world.

Matthew 13:41 - The Son of man shall send forth his angels, and they shall gather out of his kingdom all things that offend, and them which do iniquity;

Matthew 13:42 - And shall cast them into a furnace of fire: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth.

On the internet, believers need to be on guard continually and I encourage everyone to be accountable to one another in this area.

Women who spend a lot of time on the internet are also vulnerable to getting into involved relationships with men other than their husband. This ultimately leads to adultery.

Many marriages have fallen because of this very snare. Computer screens should be in an active room and in full view of anyone in the house. Husbands and wives should have no problem being accountable for any time spent away from their families.

So if a believer commits adultery against their believing spouse, what should be done?

I find it interesting that in the chapter just before Matthew 19 where divorce is forbidden between believers, Yahushua talks about the danger of offending little children, the need for us to become like little children to enter the kingdom of Yahweh, and how we ought to be willing to even pluck out our eyes and cut off our hand or foot if those members of our body cause us to sin.

Let's read:

Matthew 18:1 - At the same time came the disciples unto Yahushua , saying, Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?

Matthew 18:2 - And Yahushua called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them,

Matthew 18:3 - And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.

Matthew 18:4 - Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

Matthew 18:5 - And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me.

Matthew 18:6 - But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.

Matthew 18:7 - Woe unto the world because of offences! for it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh!

Matthew 18:8 - Wherefore if thy hand or thy foot offend thee, cut them off, and cast them from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life halt or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet to be cast into everlasting fire.

Matthew 18:9 - And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire.

Yahushua warns us of the danger of offending the humble little ones that believe in Him. Children born to parents who believe in Yahweh should be just that. Indeed, we all should be as humble little children.

If a parent who believes in Yahweh commits adultery or divorces their spouse, it is obviously a major stumbling block to the children. Yahushua warned us about causing them to sin and the dangers of being a stumbling block to them.

When King David committed adultery, David's firstborn son, his sons also stumbled. His firstborn Amnon fell into sexual sin by committing incest with his sister (2 Samuel 13). David's third son Absalom committed adultery and incest by lying with David's concubines (2 Samuel 16:22).

And we all know that Solomon had a problem with women that ultimately resulted in him committing idolatry as well. The bad example David set in his own household affected everyone, but especially his sons. It is these kinds of dangers that Yahushua is warning us about.

In fact, Yahushua made the same statements about plucking out your eye and your hand if necessary if it causes you to sin when He spoke of adultery in Matthew 5:

Matthew 5:27 - Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:

Matthew 5:28 - But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

Matthew 5:29 - And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.

Matthew 5:30 - And if thy right hand offend thee, cut if off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.

Matthew 5:31 - It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement:

Matthew 5:32 - But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

Can we see the connection?

When Yahushua spoke of the dangers of committing adultery in our hearts, He also gave similar admonition about cutting of our hand or eye if it causes us to sin.

He is telling us how very important it is to avoid sin, and adultery in particular. He gives us two ways of how adultery was being committed in that very generation:

1) Through ignoring the 10th commandment which forbids lusting after your neighbor's wife.

2) Through divorce and remarriage.

No wonder he called it a wicked and adulterous generation

Since Yahushua was talking about plucking out your eye and cutting off your hand to avoid adultery in Matthew 5, it would make sense that adultery was also in mind when making those statements in Matthew 18. This time He speaks of the dangers of offending the little ones. We see how it affected David's little ones.

Continuing in Matthew 18:

Matthew 18:11 - For the Son of man is come to save that which was lost.

Matthew 18:12 - How think ye? if a man have an hundred sheep, and one of them be gone astray, doth he not leave the ninety and nine, and goeth into the mountains, and seeketh that which is gone astray?

Matthew 18:13 - And if so be that he find it, verily I say unto you, he rejoiceth more of that sheep, than of the ninety and nine which went not astray.

Matthew 18:14 - Even so it is not the will of your Father which is in heaven, that one of these little ones should perish.

We ought to realize the extent of which Yahweh went to save us. In this illustration Yahushua is demonstrating the great love He has for the "little ones," whether children or children in heart.

After all that Yahushua went through to save the little ones, it is very grievous for Him to see any of us cause His little ones (our children, or anyone who have "become as little children") to sin.

We are warned, "woe to that man by whom the offense comes!" and "it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea" and "Take heed that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that in heaven their angels always see the face of My Father who is in heaven."

What a stern warning we have here in Yahushua's words!

It is easy to see that Yahushua could have had adultery (and other sins also) in mind when saying these things.

He called a child and set him in their midst, He warned us about offending them, and He admonished us to get rid of things which He formerly said cause stumbling into the sin of adultery. He then reminds us of all that He went through to save them. For us to cause them to stumble is a grievous sin indeed! 

So in this context, Yahushua says:

Matthew 18:15 - Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.

Matthew 18:16 - But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.

Matthew 18:17 - And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.

Matthew 18:18 - Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.

Matthew 18:19 - Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven.

Matthew 18:20 - For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.

Since the first part of Yahushua's words in Matthew 18 alludes to adultery and the danger of causing offense, it makes sense that Yahushua would next address what should be done if one believer sins against another believer.

Sadly, the steps Yahushua commanded us to take are often ignored today. Rather, when one person sins against another it is often the case that the "one or two more" will hear it before the offender himself. T

Sometimes the entire assembly will know about it first!

This is called slander and gossip. If your brother sins against you, you are to "tell him his fault between you and him alone" rather than telling others about it. It is only after you have told him alone, and he would not hear you that anyone else should be involved.

If he won't hear that "one or two more", then it should be told to the whole assembly. If he will not hear the assembly either, then he should be to us "like a heathen" and publican. 

So should this also be followed if a believer commits adultery against their spouse?

Yahushua did not make any exceptions to this commandment. In fact, Matthew 18 alludes to adultery being one of the sins and Matthew 19 discusses the marital relationship as well. I don't think it is merely a coincidence that sin in the assembly is mentioned in this context.

Isn't context one of the most important factors when seeking to understand scripture? Certainly. So if a believer commits adultery against their spouse, the clear instruction of Yahushua Himself is to do the following:

1) "Go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother."

2) "But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that 'by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established."

3) "If he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector"

A heathen is an unbeliever. If a believer refuses to repent for such a serious sin as adultery against their spouse, it is the ultimate evidence that they are not a believer at all.

In the body of Messiah, Yahushua Himself marks the line of division between believer and unbeliever to be those who have repented vs. those who have not repented. Repentance is the very first step an unbeliever should make if they want to be a believer.

Acts 2:38 - Then Kepha said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Yahushua the Messiah for the forgiveness of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.

A believer will have a willingness to hear the word and repent for such a heinous act, and not have a hardened heart!

So if a believer refused to repent for committing adultery against their spouse, they have left the faith and are no longer to be considered a believer. At that point, you have a marriage between a believer and an unbeliever.

Let's remember again what Yahweh considers these marriages to be: 

Malachi 2:11 - "An abomination" which ends up "profaning Yahweh's holy institution which He loves". 

Nehemiah 13:27 - A "great evil, transgressing against our Elohim" 

Ezra 9:2 - A "trespass" which results in mixing the "holy seed" (of Elohim) with the wicked

Ezra 9:10,14 - "Forsaking the commandments" and "break(ing) Yahweh's commandments" 

Joshua 23:11-13 - "Snares and traps to you, and scourges on your sides and thorns in your eyes" 

The one who committed this heinous crime of adultery has committed a serious crime against their spouse and also their children. To refuse to repent of such a deed is a decision to forsake Yahweh and follow after the idols of this world. To remain in fellowship with such a person would be a failure on the part of the assembly to "put away from yourselves the evil person.". Consider:

1Corinthians 5:9 - I wrote unto you in an epistle not to company with fornicators:

1Corinthians 5:10 - Yet not altogether with the fornicators of this world, or with the covetous, or extortioners, or with idolaters; for then must ye needs go out of the world.

1Corinthians 5:11 - But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat.

1Corinthians 5:12 - For what have I to do to judge them also that are without? do not ye judge them that are within?

1Corinthians 5:13 - But them that are without YAHWEH judgeth. Therefore put away from among yourselves that wicked person.

If we aren't even to eat with such persons, why would it be okay to remain married to them? The Torah principle applied here is "put away from yourselves the evil person." These are the words used to describe what ancient Israel was accomplishing when they put a wicked person to death. 

Deuteronomy 22:22 - If a man be found lying with a woman married to an husband, then they shall both of them die, both the man that lay with the woman, and the woman: so shalt thou put away evil from Israel.

We may not be able to stone the wicked in our generation, but we can regard them as the walking dead in our eyes. This kind of shunning for unrepentant adulterous behavior is a statement to the world that we do not condone such things.

Today, there is too little accountability when these sins are committed. Sometimes a person will commit adultery against their spouse, run off with this other person and attend an assembly in some other place.

Steps should be taken so that their adultery and refusal to repent is known in every place they go. We should never tolerate such wickedness.

The instructions Yahushua gave for dealing with sin between believers can apply in other areas as well. If a husband who professes to be a believer refuses to repent for getting drunk every night and abusing his wife or his children, these steps can certainly be taken if necessary.

However, we do need to also remember that Yahushua's instructions in Matthew 18 were not intended to be used as a tool for a wife to gain authority over her husband by running off and telling others all the ways she disagrees with her husband's decisions---thus using them to gain authority in the relationship.

In fact, scripture also instructs a wife how to win over a husband who is not obeying the word. 

1Peter 3:1 - Wives, likewise, [be] submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives,

1Peter 3:2 - when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.

So there must be a proper balance of a wife being in submission to her husband, giving him the freedom to lead his family in the ways of Yahweh and dealing with a heinous sin such refusing to repent for committing adultery.

In many situations, a husband doing these kinds of things would leave his wife anyway and then his sin would be clearly revealed. But if the wife were to have a husband committing such a sin, she might need to meekly and somberly tell another person about it so that it can be dealt with.

Of course, the goal should never be to find ways to get out of the marriage, but rather the goal should be to do all that is in our power to compel the person to repent. Each situation is different and should be handled according to Yahweh's leading, with meekness and fear:

Galatians 6:1 - Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted.

Jude 1:22 - And on some have compassion, making a distinction;

Jude 1:23 - but others save with fear, pulling them out of the fire, hating even the garment defiled by the flesh.

If indeed all has been done to try and bring a person to repentance, and all efforts have been made to restore such a one into fellowship with Yahweh's people and he still resists, refuses to repent and blasphemes the Way...

And if such a matter is taken carefully and prayerfully, and all efforts to restore him have failed in spite of all attempts to restore him, she need not remain in a marriage which is Yahweh calls a snare and trap. Paul said a person is "not bound" in such cases.

The purpose and goal of these steps in Matthew 18 is to bring the person to repentance and cleanse the assembly of the wicked and their corrupting influences.  

But if a spouse committed adultery and indeed repents of their sin, forgiveness should be offered as Yahushua says next in Matthew 18:

Matthew 18:21 - Then came Kepha to him, and said, Rabbi, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?

Matthew 18:22 - Yahushua saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.

Matthew 18:23 - Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants.

Matthew 18:24 - And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents.

Matthew 18:25 - But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his master commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made.

Matthew 18:26 - The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Master, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.

Matthew 18:27 - Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt.

Matthew 18:28 - But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest.

Matthew 18:29 - And his fellowservant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.

Matthew 18:30 - And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt.

Matthew 18:31 - So when his fellowservants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their master all that was done.

Matthew 18:32 - Then his master, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me:

Matthew 18:33 - Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee?

Matthew 18:34 - And his master was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him.

Matthew 18:35 - So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.

We all need to keep in mind the abundant mercy that our Heavenly Father has had on us and all of the wickedness for which we have been forgiven.

Notice that the King forgave his servant of a debt of 10,000 talents, but that servant who was forgiven refused to forgive the debt owed to him of only 100 denarii. The point Yahushua is making is that we should always forgive our brother when he repents. There isn't any sin our brother could commit against us that would exceed our own debt to Yahweh.

Yahushua didn't say, "go ahead and bear a grudge if your brother committed the sin of _____."

In light of the context here in Matthew 18 with adultery being alluded to, the effect on the children, etc it becomes evident that adultery is not to be excepted. In spite of how difficult it might be, if the spouse does repent, it should be forgiven. 

Those who will not are walking on very dangerous ground, "and delivered him to the tormentors...So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses."

In light of these principles, the question of whether adultery is grounds for divorce becomes very clear.

If the adultery is committed by an rebellious and wicked unbeliever, of course you can divorce them. You aren't obligated to be in a marriage that Yahweh calls an abomination.

And if the adultery was committed and the spouse refused to repent even after being confronted by the assembly, yes it is grounds for divorce. In that case, the person basically forsook the faith of Yahweh and has chosen to live the unrepentant life. He can act righteous all he wants, but such a person is in a very dangerous situation:

2Peter 2:20 - For if, after they have escaped the pollutions of the world through the knowledge of the Master and Savior Yahushua the Messiah, they are again entangled in them and overcome, the latter end is worse for them than the beginning.

2Peter 2:21 - For it would have been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than having known it, to turn from the holy commandment delivered to them.

2Peter 2:22 - But it has happened to them according to the true proverb: "A dog returns to his own vomit," and, "a sow, having washed, to her wallowing in the mire."

and again..

Revelation 22:15 - But outside are dogs and sorcerers and sexually immoral and murderers and idolaters, and whoever loves and practices a lie.

and again..

Ezekiel 18:4 - Behold, all souls are mine; as the soul of the father, so also the soul of the son is mine: the soul that sinneth, it shall die.

Ezekiel 18:24 - But when the righteous turneth away from his righteousness, and committeth iniquity, and doeth according to all the abominations that the wicked man doeth, shall he live? All his righteousness that he hath done shall not be mentioned: in his trespass that he hath trespassed, and in his sin that he hath sinned, in them shall he die.

and again..

Mark 9:42 - And whosoever shall offend one of these little ones that believe in me, it is better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he were cast into the sea.

But if it adultery is committed by a believer, there is no grounds for divorce. We are called to forgive as we have been forgiven, and divorce between believers is simply forbidden. Yahushua said we are not to separate what Elohim has joined together as one flesh

May Yahweh keep all of us pure and upright in this wicked and adulterous generation.

It is high time that we join together and speak as one voice against sin in the assembly.

It is high time that we remember that unforgiveness is nothing more than an unwillingness to give what we have received from Yahweh.

It is high time that we let the full counsel of Yahweh on this issue speak to us so that all the confusion can come to an end.

It is high time that men turn their hearts to their children and take their role of spiritual leadership in the home.

It is high time that women forsake the career-minded goals and start being mothers to their children and submissive wives to their husbands.

Then our children will not be caused to stumble.

Then our children can be like olive plants around our table, filled with the anointing oil of Yahweh's Spirit and secure in their parents love for them, and for one another.

(NAS) Psalm 128:1-6 How blessed is everyone who fears Yahweh, Who walks in His ways.

When you shall eat of the fruit of your hands, You will be happy and it will be well with you.

Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine Within your house, Your children like olive plants Around your table.

Behold, for thus shall the man be blessed Who fears Yahweh.

Yahweh bless you from Zion, And may you see the prosperity of Jerusalem all the days of your life.

Indeed, may you see your children's children. Peace be upon Israel!

May we fear Yahweh enough to remove the stumbling blocks of this age from our presence and from the presence of our children...

that our wives may be the fruitful vines...

..the fruitful vines which produce the spirit filled children of Yahweh who bring our children's children to the new Yerushalayim

Seek not to leave the Father's hand, let's forever remain in HIS grip.

We will conclude this study next week, Yahweh willing. May Yahweh bless you and may He have mercy on us all!